Failing to relate, trying not to isolate.

I think one of the most challenging things about going through an "Early Menopause" in you 20's or 30's is having to develop a whole new coping mechanism!

For me I am a talker, no matter what the issue I find solace and resolution through discussing things with others. Getting a sense of a shared experience and learning how others have navigated these same issues or problems. This could be in regards to romantic relationships, friendships and then those major life milestones; getting your period, going through puberty, getting your first smear test. There is a sense of a shared burden with your peers, we are going through this tough time together, chartering the unknown terriotoires side by side, hand in hand. And then all of a sudden this "condition" is thrust upon you and only you, there are no more hands to hold. It is like you have been pushed up into Year 11 when all your friends are still in Year 7. You didn't ask to be put here, you don't want the new issues that Year 11 will bring, you had barely figured out the issues you were dealign with in Year 7; and now you have to deal with them alone without the supportive network of your friends.

I'm not saying your friends aren't still there to support you, mine have and continue to still be great. However it is this relatability factor that is missing. How can your peers relate to your menopausal symptoms when they haven't experienced them? If you have been through the menopause you will know some of the symptoms are confusing and horrific and don't make much sense. You can't explain why you feel irrational, you can't explain why you are anxious and insecure over almost everything. You have brain fog and can't string together sentences and no one will fully understand the full impact of these changes until they go through it themselves. So as a women in her 30's you are navigating this alone. You can't have the empathetic ear of a friend because try as they might they just won't get it for a good few more many years. I am sure when they reach the age of menopause you will again be able to bond over this shared experience, but it can make for a very isolating time whilst you wait for them to catch up.

Don't get me wrong there is a different support network from family or friends who are perhaps older and have been through the menopause themselves. They can relate to your symptoms. They understand many of the physical aspects of it. But what they can't understand is having to go through it all at a young age. They can buffer some of the support you are lacking from your peers, however going through a menopause under the age of 35 brings a host of physical and mental symptoms of which they will be unable to relate.

So there you are again. Feeling a bit isolated and feeling like you don't really fit into either camp.

I think these struggles with relatability and feelings of isolation can be applied to more than just an "early menopause". I am sure anyone going through any condition that their friends haven't must sometimes feel in a similar way. Even if your friends or family try to understand your health struggles, if they haven't lived through them themselves it makes it difficult to truly relate.

Ultimately I think it is this relatability which is the foundation of so many of our support networks and once you remove this you have to find a new way of coping. I think this may be where online support can really help to connect people. The internet allows us access to people all over the world from all walks of life. Be it though social media or through online groups, finding people of the same peer group who are going through the same things can really help. You can pick how much to engage with these platforms. You may choose to be a silent bystander, you may not choose to directly contribute or reach out to other people, sometimes just hearing or seeing what others are going through may be enough. You have to do whatever works for you!