The Conversation You Never Planned to Have- Opening up with your partner about POI

How to Talk to Your Partner About Your POI Diagnosis

When your life feels paused, but the conversation can’t wait...

Receiving a POI diagnosis can feel like someone quietly pressed pause on the life you thought you were living. One moment you’re moving forward—making plans, imagining timelines—and the next you’re suspended in uncertainty, staring at medical terms that don’t come with instructions for your heart.

In the middle of the shock, there’s another weight: How do I tell my partner? You might worry about changing how they see you. You might fear their grief colliding with yours. You might even tell yourself, I’ll wait until I’m stronger, even though strength feels very far away right now.

But POI is not something you’re meant to carry alone. The conversation doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be honest. Here’s how to open the door in a way that invites connection rather than silence.

1. Timing Is Everything

This conversation deserves more than leftover minutes.

Try not to bring it up in passing—between errands, during chores, or when one of you is already emotionally depleted. Choose what I like to think of as a sacred space: a moment when you both have the emotional bandwidth to be present. Phones away. No rushing. No competing priorities.

You’re not just sharing information—you’re sharing something tender.

A gentle lead-in:

“I’ve received some health news that’s been really heavy on my mind. I don’t need you to have answers—I just need a moment where we can talk about it together.”

This sets the tone. It signals that this isn’t a crisis to solve, but an experience to walk through side by side.

2. Explain the “What” and the “Why”

Your partner may have never heard of POI before. You don’t need to deliver a medical lecture—especially if you’re still processing it yourself.

Start simple. Anchor it in what it means for your body and your shared future, not just the diagnosis.

How you might explain it:

“The doctors call it Primary Ovarian Insufficiency. It means my ovaries stopped functioning the way they’re supposed to earlier than expected. My oestrogen levels are low, and it affects my health, my energy, and how we might think about family planning.”

Then pause. Let them absorb it. Silence doesn’t mean they don’t care—it often means they do.

If it feels right, you can add the emotional truth behind the facts:

“What’s been hardest is that it makes the future feel uncertain. I’m grieving things I didn’t even realise I’d already imagined.”

That “why” helps them understand your mood shifts, your sadness, your fear—without you having to justify them later.

3. Be Raw About Your Needs

This is the part we often skip—and the part that matters most.

Your partner may want to jump straight into problem-solving: doctors, options, optimism. While well-intentioned, that can feel incredibly lonely when you’re still sitting in grief.

They aren’t mind readers. Tell them what support looks like right now—even if that changes later.

You might say:

“Right now, I don’t need solutions. I don’t need reassurance or a plan. I just need you to sit with me in this sadness and remind me I’m not alone.”

Or:

“Some days I might want to talk about it, and other days I might need a break. I’ll try to tell you what I need, even when it’s messy.”

This gives your partner a roadmap—and gives you permission to be human, not composed.

4. Reassure the Relationship

POI has a way of quietly attacking identity. It can make you question your body, your femininity, your place in the future you imagined together.

It’s okay to name that fear out loud.

You might say:

“I want you to know I’m still me. I’m still the person you fell in love with. My body is going through something unexpected, but it doesn’t define my worth—or our relationship.”

This reassurance isn’t just for them—it’s for you, too.

And it opens the door for your partner to reassure you in return, often in ways you didn’t know you needed to hear.

A Final Thought...

This conversation won’t be a one-time event. POI is a chapter that unfolds over time, with new questions, emotions, and pauses along the way.

You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t need to be strong or optimistic or “ready.” You just need honesty—and the courage to let your partner see you in the middle of it.

Life may feel paused right now, but intimacy doesn’t have to be. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is say: "I don’t know what comes next—but I want to face it with you.”