The Week That Reminded Me There’s More to Life Than Expectations

Last week, I spent seven days in The Gambia — a week of burns training, theatre teaching, community conversations, and learning far more than I ever expected.But somewhere between the long hospital days, the laughter shared with colleagues, and the humbling privilege of working with patients who had endured so much… something shifted.

I found a version of myself I’d almost forgotten existed.

When your identity is forced to split

Living with POI means your identity is constantly being tugged in two directions:

• the person you thought you would be, shaped by the expectation of motherhood

• and the person you are still becoming, shaped by everything life has thrown at you

Society rarely leaves space for that second identity. There’s an unspoken assumption that your worth is measured by your ability to bear children — and when your body can’t follow that script, it feels like the world goes quiet. Like you’ve failed an exam you didn’t even know you were sitting.

Work became my refuge from that silence.

Not because it erased the grief, but because it gave me something else to hold onto. A different way to feel useful. A different version of myself to inhabit when the weight of expectation felt unbearable.

But there’s a danger in that, too...

The truth is: work can easily become the replacement identity you cling to.The place where you pour your energy, your validation, your sense of purpose — simply because it feels safer than thinking about what you’ve lost.

And I’ve fallen into that trap before.The overworking. The obsession. The belief that if I can excel “enough,” maybe I won’t feel as broken.

But The Gambia reminded me of something else.

Purpose doesn’t have to come from pain.

Standing in a Gambian operating theatre, mentoring trainees, learning from their resilience and resourcefulness… I didn’t feel like a woman trying to outrun her diagnosis.

I felt like a human being connected to other human beings.

Helping, teaching, learning, laughing, collaborating — not because I needed to fill an emotional void, but because it genuinely mattered. Because it made me feel alive in a way that had nothing to do with fertility, timelines, or expectations.

It reminded me that meaning can come from the simplest things:

• showing up for someone

• sharing knowledge

• building relationships across borders

• using your skills in a way that genuinely changes lives

• realising the world is bigger than the box society tries to place you in

There is more to you than one version of your story.

POI can shrink your world until all you see is loss.But stepping away — physically, emotionally, geographically — can widen that world again.

My week in The Gambia didn’t “fix” anything.It didn’t erase the grief or magically soften the ache of what could have been.

But it gave me something just as valuable:

Perspective.

Connection.

A reminder that my identity isn’t defined by what my body can’t do.

And that meaning can be found, built, and rediscovered — even in the most unexpected corners of the world.

Sometimes a distraction isn’t avoidance.Sometimes it’s healing.

And sometimes stepping into another purpose helps you remember that your life is bigger, richer, and more layered than you ever allowed yourself to believe.