When Therapy Doesn’t Work: The Relationship That Keeps Failing

I’ve tried therapy a couple of times now, and I just can’t seem to get it right. I’m not sure if it’s me, the therapist, or this unrealistic expectation of what therapy should look like—and the impact it’s supposed to have on my life.

One thing is for sure: it almost feels like no therapist I speak to can handle the emotional trauma dump that comes with POI. But the frustrating part is, I don’t want to talk to a therapist solely about POI. I don’t want a fertility specialist. I want to talk about the day-to-day challenges—the relationship breakdowns, the trust issues, the work struggles, the quiet fears that any woman in her mid-30s might face.

But the truth is, you can’t escape POI. It sits behind everything. This thing—this ghost no one really wants to talk about. The thing no therapist seems to know how to address. And then you’re left feeling cheated. Like you’re not getting your money’s worth, because no one quite knows what to say.

Is it me not understanding what therapy is supposed to be? Is it normal for a therapist to not say very much? Is it normal to give someone such deep insight into your inner world and feel like you’re getting very little back?

Life with POI is complex. So complex that many people can’t fully comprehend it. So is it arrogant to think I understand myself more than any therapist ever will? Is it naïve to expect someone to untangle the mess that can follow a diagnosis like this? Is it that I just haven’t met the right person yet—or does that person simply not exist?

All I know is that I recognise I need help sometimes navigating life’s day-to-day challenges. I know I don’t always have the tools to do that on my own. I’m open to support. I actively look for someone to guide me through it.

And yet, every time I try therapy, it doesn’t seem to work.

That romanticised idea of the therapist who just gets you. The person you can check in with, who knows your story so well you don’t have to explain why something hurts—they already understand.

Am I chasing something unattainable?

Or have I just been unlucky in my search for the right one?